Sunday, March 27, 2016

Stuck in a Rut

Like the ice cream... except it's my state of mind.

It seems like I often struggle with this during the spring. My life is awesome [I mean look at the peaks we've been gazing at and skiing among the past few days...].

Perhaps it's a vitamin D deficiency. A bit of seasonal depression maybe?

It's frustrating because this is rationally one of my favorite, if not my absolute favorite, time of year. This is the time of year when steep skiing starts to come into condition, the days are longer, and I'm feeling fit & strong.

Perhaps I've just been traveling too much. This winter has been hectic to say the least. I haven't been home for more than 2-3 weeks at a time since last September, and I was working in the Arctic for 2 months of that time period. Perhaps it's a case of the I-don't-know-how-to-slow-down-but-I'm-totally worked-ism.

It's really hard for me to slow down right when the skiing is starting to go off. But I go out skiing and I'm exhausted before the day even begins. I can't sleep enough, but I don't often sleep well. I can't eat enough, but I'm not hungry. It's really weird.

The worst part is that I'm a really shitty partner/girlfriend right now. I constantly need hugs and am often on the verge of a breakdown. Not what I aspire to be my 'normal' at all. I know I'm really struggling when it starts effecting the people around me.

So what? Whine whine whine (privileged white girl). My treatment thus far has been to chill out hard when the weather is anything but stellar. I started reading a Delores LaChapelle book, Sacred Land Sacred Sex Rapture of the Deep, and am dedicating a fair amount of time to that. Lavender essential oil, hydration (magnesium supplement), music, ect... Otherwise just trying to keep up on emails and find a stroke of creativity here and there (it's really hard to produce social media content when you feel like crap).

I'm not sure how many people will actually read this, but if you have any tips or advice I'm all ears. I know that many people go through things like this, even though we often try to put on our best face for the public.

So here's to chilling hard and, as Conrad would say, "refilling the spirit sponge." :)